Back to my nightclass

Tonight I dragged myself back to my psychic and mediumship development class. I havnt been for months and I really didn’t want to go tonight after all whats been going on but I need to claw my way out of this black hole somehow.

I went in and everyone was pleased to see me which is nice and we all had a chat and everyone was asking how I am and twice I came over full of emotion and how I didnt cry I dont know but I didn’t.

I had 2 messages. The main one was from my dad basically saying I need to snap out of this and hes sorry he wasnt here to support me but he is now. A few other things were said and usually I love messages and giving messages but tonight I feel flat and very sad as if Im being told yes its real you feeling like this and no your not being dramatic as the usual rush of love and happiness that comes when Im doing things like this was absent.

I then got up to give a message and was accurate which I was surprised at as its been a while and my mood is so low.

Im thankfull that its a start on the right path. Baby steps are better than non.

Reiki – My One True Love


I have been having an amazing time with Reiki recently, I took my Masters and Teachers 3rd degree in November and I am absolutely amazed and how my life is enriched already and I will be forever greatfull to God for giving me the honour of providing this wondering healing, honestly I am gob smacked at how much has changed in just under 3 months:

1- I have completely beaten my nicotine addiction no cigs or ecigs are needed anymore!

2- I have not drank alcohol since new years eve and I am enjoying myself that much not drinking iv decided to comtinue being alcohol free for all of feb too

3- my reiki clientell has gone through the roof and I even have my first 2 attunement students this weekend coming! EEEEK!! I am excited yet nervous at the same time I will be calling on all reiki guides and angels possible to help me relax and just be guided through this most honourable thing I am doing!

Reiki really is my true love, I love the peace ot brings to my clients and me it just spreads love and harmony everywhere it should be shouted about from all the rooftops in the world!

The photo is my healing room, feeling brave putting a photo on here that someone could recognise me from.













Keeping The Faith

Im feeling much better than the other day. The episode has passed thank goodness the worst of it is is not knowing if its a CPTSD episode or if I actually feel like that or not feel as the case is for me. My total switch off scares the hell out of me. How can I go from being in love with someone to no feeling at all and for that period of time I genuinely feel nothing. dead as a dodo and moody to boot. Must be so hard for my partner how cold n distance I become.

But enough of that I am back now and thats what matters. Living in the moment is no easy thing to do but I never give up and to me thats the main thing

If y0u have been following my posts you will know I love reiki and I am a healer well I am now a reiki master, I took the attunement about a month ago and I am really feeling the difference, I think with doing this as reiki helps you release things that no longer serve you plus being discharged from my EMDR therapy brought the dip on but each time I dip down Iv notices there becoming less deep and I come back feeling much better so for me this is part of the healing progress I think.

I was reading the reiki principles today you can find them here: 

I think there lovely and I feel much better when I read them, I know I havnt mastered them all the time but its a lovely reminder.Maybe next time I have a dip I should read these and I will rise again quicker and one day I wont dip at all!

New Reiki Client!

I have been wanted to post about this since the weekend really but I had to get all the other stuff out of my head yesterday.

I dont know if I have blogged about this before or not my memory isnt the best but I am  Reiki Level 2 healer and I have turned my spare room into a therapy room, I have my own website, facebook page and other marketing tools ( my day time job is General Manager for a website and seo company so I put the company perks to good use! )

Anyway, I hadn’t done anything on this for a while so I was shocked but happy to get a phone call out of the blue for someone wanting Reiki. I booked them in for Sunday and had a quiet healthy weekend, did some chakra cleansing meditations and prepared myself and my Reiki room for my client. I lit candles and smudged the room and said a prayer to bless it and invited all the angels in to help the energy flow through me to heal the client.

The client arrived and they were very impressed with my room, I had all my Angel cards laid out on the table with 2 matching Angel figurines and the Reiki music was playing away softly.

I asked them to lie on the table and relax and started the treatment. The energy was so strong! I started to get really hot and could feel the soothing energy flowing through me, colors of purple and gold and green floated in and around my mind, I always make the Reiki symbols and ask for my Reiki guides to assist me throughout the process. I have not felt the energy that strong before the client must of really been in need of this.

When I had finished my client woke up and told me that they felt like a weight had been lifted and that they were struggling for absorbing everyone else’s negative energy, I said I had picked up a lot of anxiety in the chest and throat area when I was doing the treatment and she agreed that was where she felt it the most. She tried to pay me £30.00, I wouldn’t take it as my cost is only £25.00 I just asked her to leave me a review on my page and this is what she said:

reiki review

I was so pleased! I love helping people especially with Reiki, I truly believe its the best healing you can have in the world and this has just made me want to get back on my path all the more, I finished my lovely Sunday off with a visit to the divine circle at my local Spiritualist Church, even writing this blog now is making my heart swell with joy! I would recommend Reiki to anyone!



Triggers and Angel Dreams and Messages

Last night I wake up at 4.03 I was in a deep sleep but I was woken up my hearing a female voice saying the word “Shem” I went to the loo in my half a asleep grogginess and was saying the word over and over in my head rather confused, I have never heard this word before I got back in bed and went to to sleep.

I then woke up from having not a very nice dream at all, I saw a ghost in the bathroom mirror of a young girl with long thing wavy brown hair, I turned round and she was gone and then the next minute I was having sex with someone who wasnt my partner and I didnt want it and I started crying and the next minute a women was running me a massive bubble bath and for some reason I had really long eye lashes. I woke up and I was convinced this dream was real and I was crying and shaking  I felt so guilty on my partner that I had slept with someone else even though I didnt want it, it took me good 10 mins to realise it wasnt really I woke my partner up and he cuddled me till the shaking had stopped.

I then remembered the early women’s voice who had said “Shem” I googled it and it came up that its a bible name and “Shem” was Noahs son. I then looked down and these was another link about what the word actually means, it has lots of variations but I liked this one best, it does go into quite a bit of detail but it means practically the opposite of “Shame”  If you would like to read further into the meaning of the word “Shem” the link is here

I have no doubt that I was visited by an Angel last night to tell me this new word “Shem” I dont quite understand it all yet but the link above with all the information in is slowly making sense to me , I keep re reading it. If anyone is reading this blog please do comment and provide me with some more insight.

I also looked in my Doreen Virtue numbers 101 book and the 403 number has this message:

“God, the angels, and the ascended masters are all rallying around you, giving you extra love and support right now. Call upon them to help you with this current situation, and follow any guidance you receive, as it is an answer to your prayers”

Before all this had happened, I had had a trigger and became upset. My partner, who is not violent or nasty in the slightest,  he is the complete opposite actually, the has the biggest heart I have ever found in a person anyway, he kicked the cats ball and then he banged the fridge but for some reason it seemed like he was banging things in a threatening way and I became scared and I burst into tears and I said to him “I feel like your banging stuff about like your going to hit me” and he just loved me till I had stopped crying and we watched Lord of the Rings so I could get lost in the film to take my mind of it.

I have my EMDR treatment this afternoon at 2pm, I have plenty to tell my Therapist as I have not seen her for 2 weeks now.

Maybe God and the Angels are letting me know I don’t need to be ashamed anymore.  I feel really lucky to have received these messages last night, even if elements of the second dream wasn’t very pleasant I have looked up the other elements of the dream and have found they mean this:

To dream that you are taking a bath signifies a cleansing of your outer and inner self. You are washing away the difficult times. This dream may also be symbolic of ridding yourself of old ideas, notions, opinions, and other negativities. Your dream may be pointing toward forgiveness and letting go.

To notice your eyelashes or dream that they are growing indicates that you are trying to express yourself in some subtle or covert way. It also signifies good luck.

To see a ghost in your dream represents something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates that you are feeling disconnected from life and society. Try to figure out what the ghost wants or what it is looking for. The dream may also be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior. Dreaming that you are being stalked or haunted by a ghost indicates that you are refusing to confront issues from your past which is affecting your present life.

These dream meanings were found here:

I would really love if anyone reading this blog has any helpful insights on this experience.

I Will Drag Myself Out Of This!

After last nights post I went home and I wanted to do some some meditation whilst my partner was out so I chose an Angel one, it was Archangel Raphael and a healing meditation, it took me ages to get into it and I finally started seeing colors and then I started twitching because I was cold so I just got the duvet and rolled my self up with it and had a snooze.

My partner came home, he has been at my friends fixing her door and found me flat out, he woke me up and we went and had tea, I felt exhausted. One thing I have noticed since my PTSD episode last week is that I am sleeping for England at the moment, We had a nice tea and watched my favourite series at the moment, Versaille its called about King Louis the 14th of France, its brilliant I recommend it to anyone who likes history dramas.

We went to bed and I tried to meditate again but I do struggle when I am in bed with my partner, its not his fault he is just going to sleep but he wriggles and makes little noises and I cant let go properly if I have distraction, especially at the moment as I am out of practice so I just lay there listing to the soothing voice and noises, it really does help I took my ear phones out and went to sleep.

This morning I managed a quick 10 mins before work, a positive morning one and then I got my Angel book out, its Doreen Virtues 365 day Angel book I ask the Angels for a message and thank them for there support and I opened the the page up and guess what it said? ” Lighten Up” I did have a little laugh at this. I have been very down recently and very serious and the message was telling me to have fun and be carefree. All very easy for them to say but one thing for sure is no matter how deep into depression I go I will always claw my way back and that is exactly what I am doing now.

Another thing I have started doing this week is affirmations. I am going on holiday in about 7 weeks and I am feeling a bit overweight and I have been saying in the mirror over and over whilst I am getting ready:

” I am healthy and thin and I always win!”

I took it from a Diana Cooper book, I cant remember which one it was but I think she is fabulous she is the first spiritual teacher I got interested in I have most of her books,

And I have two crystals in my bra I have a tigers eye for protection and a blue howlite for healing.

im sure with all this spiritual work I am doing I will lighten up sooner rather than later, I can feel it working already 🙂





Sunshine After The Rain

I am big into spirituality and have been since my hospital incident in 2012. Something happened that night I overdosed on amphetamines I know this deep in my soul. Since then I started having Reiki, learning about chakras, angels, the law of attraction and its really helped and comforted me on this higgildy piggildy journey I am on. I became Reiki attuned in 2014 and I turned my spare room into a therapy room and I provide this in my spare time I absolutely love it.

Every time I have a “low” all this gets put on the back burner which is so ironic as its the one thing that makes me feel good. Even as I am writing this blog my heart is beginning to glow as I know Im coming back round to the bright side. One of the things I used to do every day was to write ten things I am grateful for, this can be anything going on it your day people, things, the weather – you would be surprised at how much this makes a difference in your life so this is what I am going to do on here every day so here is my first list below:

1 – I am grateful that the low I have been experiencing is passing

2- I am grateful that my first EMDR session was a pleasant experience

3- I am grateful the sun has come out for my walk to work this morning

4- I am grateful I have a job that allows me to take time out in the day to write this blog

5- I am grateful my partner and I have got through my PTSD episode and he is learning more about it

6- I am grateful I have the most naughty but loving cat that brightens my day every day

7- I am grateful for good work friends who love the banter and we get through the day together

8- I am grateful for all my Havoca friends who help me get through the day and that no subject is taboo

9- I am grateful I made this blog as I am conversing with new people and learning new things and its helping me offload my thoughts

10 – I am grateful I have a lovely mum who has now accepted what has happened to me and out relationship grows stronger every day.

So there you have it there are the 10 things I am thankful for at this moment in time, I have read the list back and I feel really happy with it and I am content with everything. There is always sunshine after the rain even though it never feels like it at the time.