Reiki – My One True Love

Wow.

I have been having an amazing time with Reiki recently, I took my Masters and Teachers 3rd degree in November and I am absolutely amazed and how my life is enriched already and I will be forever greatfull to God for giving me the honour of providing this wondering healing, honestly I am gob smacked at how much has changed in just under 3 months:

1- I have completely beaten my nicotine addiction no cigs or ecigs are needed anymore!

2- I have not drank alcohol since new years eve and I am enjoying myself that much not drinking iv decided to comtinue being alcohol free for all of feb too

3- my reiki clientell has gone through the roof and I even have my first 2 attunement students this weekend coming! EEEEK!! I am excited yet nervous at the same time I will be calling on all reiki guides and angels possible to help me relax and just be guided through this most honourable thing I am doing!

Reiki really is my true love, I love the peace ot brings to my clients and me it just spreads love and harmony everywhere it should be shouted about from all the rooftops in the world!

The photo is my healing room, feeling brave putting a photo on here that someone could recognise me from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How are you supposed to let go of “The Past” when its everywhere?

Ugh. I have been triggered massively this weekend. Just when I think im getting somewhere and the people and the past experiences are just a memory never to be forgotten but soundly asleep at the back of my mind someone makes them spring back to life like a very disturbing jack in a box.

If you have followed my blog you will know I have struggled with drug problem in my past, bender after bender walking round like a skeleton before I had the hospital incident which forced me to admit I had suffered a life time of abuse from multiple people. Since those dark days in 2012 I have it more or less under control, Im not perfect I slip up and take cocaine some times but its getting further and further in between and I use Reiki and meditation and my spirituality has helped me massively and always will do, I am a firm beleiver in this.

But this weekend I went out for a drink with a very good friend, and as is typical in my small town we bumped into another good friend who happens to have a new boyfriend. So I waved excitedly to the second friend come and sit with us introduce us to your new boyfriend…….worse mistake I could of made. New boyfriend is someone who knows my dad and knows the mess I was in before my breakdown, hes a “gangster” who is in charge of the   “Drug Ring” and in the thick of the people I have now cut out of my life including the evil step family.

He said to me I already know you, I squashed a debt of £350 for you because I liked your Dad ” He was a very Good Man” I said I am sorry but I have no idea what your talking about. The thing is I was in such a mess back them this could be true but it might not be I wouldn’t of known, hours turned into days into months into years back then due to the amount of cocaine and amphetamine I was taking. I didn’t know my own name sometimes.

The horror of this has hit me and even though its Monday I cant stop thinking about it its buzzing in my brain the memories, the reasons why I was so bad, the feeling of filth and that I am filth, that I am nothing but a filthy worthless person who doesn’t give two fuck about herself.

“Your Dad Was A Good Man…….” to you yes to me hes a whole mess of love and hate and shame the shame of your Dad not loving you properly is harrowing.

Part of me wants the whole world to know how I have suffered and to maybe know why I behaved like until I was 28 years old but my Dad is DEAD its his 2 year anniversary on the 23rd of this month so if I come clean now I dont think anyone would believe me anyway so whats the point. Instead I am cursed with this bastard CPTSD the struggle to keep the beast at bay, the reminders of the past, the hurt the deep longing to be loved like a proper daughter should of been and the embarrassment of people like my friends new boyfreind reminding me of the state I was in.

No matter how hard I work or how hard I try to improve me be a better person, be more understanding and accepting the past will always be there it can not be changed and that is a fact.

The hardest critic on me if truth be told is me – what do I care what that gangster did or what people think but I do care and its not fair that they dont know the truth behind the fucked up girl I was.

 

Keeping The Faith

Im feeling much better than the other day. The episode has passed thank goodness the worst of it is is not knowing if its a CPTSD episode or if I actually feel like that or not feel as the case is for me. My total switch off scares the hell out of me. How can I go from being in love with someone to no feeling at all and for that period of time I genuinely feel nothing. dead as a dodo and moody to boot. Must be so hard for my partner how cold n distance I become.

But enough of that I am back now and thats what matters. Living in the moment is no easy thing to do but I never give up and to me thats the main thing

If y0u have been following my posts you will know I love reiki and I am a healer well I am now a reiki master, I took the attunement about a month ago and I am really feeling the difference, I think with doing this as reiki helps you release things that no longer serve you plus being discharged from my EMDR therapy brought the dip on but each time I dip down Iv notices there becoming less deep and I come back feeling much better so for me this is part of the healing progress I think.

I was reading the reiki principles today you can find them here: 

I think there lovely and I feel much better when I read them, I know I havnt mastered them all the time but its a lovely reminder.Maybe next time I have a dip I should read these and I will rise again quicker and one day I wont dip at all!

Blockages and Heavenly Help

I have been having an awful week after Mondays EMDR session, no amount of meditation, walks, self reiki has been able to shift this tight packed block of pain in my heart and stomach. Maybe its the full moon which is approaching and im getting ready to explode.

I meditated for 17 mins this morning, it was a cleanse clear and protect one with Arch Angel Micheal, I connected with ease but the blockages were still there. I walked to work through the shopping centre and met my friend at star bucks feeling deflated and flat. There was a song I had never heard before, I could only catch the lyrics which were ” your daddy knows you are….” my eyes filled up. I just knew the song was a sign for me.

When I got to work I decided to google the song to see if I could find the lyrics, I found it straight away:

I managed to hold back to tears I so desperately need to let out. Its not really the time and the place to have a melt down in front of all the staff.

The next thing that happened was my boss said ” whats this crystal all about called Fire Agate? ” I am an avid crystal collector, I have paid for an online course but have never started it. Its somethinh I intend to do after my holiday. Anyway, I had never heard of it so I looked up the meaning and its perfect for what I am going through at the moment so as soon as I get paid tomorrow I am going to see if its in my local crystal shop.

Usually these heaveningly signs would have me jumping for joy, dont get me wrong I am truely grateful for them and they have made me feel better but the tighly packed balls of pain n hurt are still there.

I love my Dad, I have good memories aswell as bad. I once read a book by Robert Schwartz called ” Your Souls Plan” and this is a very basic explanation but it says your soul decides before you incarnate to earth what you will go through for your souls expantion. Maybe we planned for this to happen for my souls expansion on Earth. Maybe he planned his death before he got here just at the right time when Id learnt enough about spiritualism so I could continue to heal myself here on Earth. Maybe his soul loves me even though his human self couldnt.

I need to let all this pain out somehow its bubbling away like a volcano and causing issues in my relationship, were going abroad for 10 days on sunday its definitely a make or break one. I really dont know which way its going to go at the moment.

Hopefully the sea will draw all this pain out I find being near the sea really soothing so being in it should be amazing.

Really hope I can heal soon, this broken heart of mine is so heavy.

New Reiki Client!

I have been wanted to post about this since the weekend really but I had to get all the other stuff out of my head yesterday.

I dont know if I have blogged about this before or not my memory isnt the best but I am  Reiki Level 2 healer and I have turned my spare room into a therapy room, I have my own website, facebook page and other marketing tools ( my day time job is General Manager for a website and seo company so I put the company perks to good use! )

Anyway, I hadn’t done anything on this for a while so I was shocked but happy to get a phone call out of the blue for someone wanting Reiki. I booked them in for Sunday and had a quiet healthy weekend, did some chakra cleansing meditations and prepared myself and my Reiki room for my client. I lit candles and smudged the room and said a prayer to bless it and invited all the angels in to help the energy flow through me to heal the client.

The client arrived and they were very impressed with my room, I had all my Angel cards laid out on the table with 2 matching Angel figurines and the Reiki music was playing away softly.

I asked them to lie on the table and relax and started the treatment. The energy was so strong! I started to get really hot and could feel the soothing energy flowing through me, colors of purple and gold and green floated in and around my mind, I always make the Reiki symbols and ask for my Reiki guides to assist me throughout the process. I have not felt the energy that strong before the client must of really been in need of this.

When I had finished my client woke up and told me that they felt like a weight had been lifted and that they were struggling for absorbing everyone else’s negative energy, I said I had picked up a lot of anxiety in the chest and throat area when I was doing the treatment and she agreed that was where she felt it the most. She tried to pay me £30.00, I wouldn’t take it as my cost is only £25.00 I just asked her to leave me a review on my page and this is what she said:

reiki review

I was so pleased! I love helping people especially with Reiki, I truly believe its the best healing you can have in the world and this has just made me want to get back on my path all the more, I finished my lovely Sunday off with a visit to the divine circle at my local Spiritualist Church, even writing this blog now is making my heart swell with joy! I would recommend Reiki to anyone!

 

 

How Do I break This Vicious Circle?

My plan this weekend was to be sensible and stay in apart from meeting one of my good friends who has been travelling for the best part of 12 months.

Friday was fine, stayed in no problem watching Netflix, my partner had gone to his mothers to watch the football.

Saturday I got ready and went to meet my friend, 1 bottle of wine and some food ( we didnt even order food in the end anyway) turned into a 24 hour session with enough cocaine and vodka to kill a small horse and a party at mine with a few other people. And if 24 hours on that wasnt enough we then decided to get some Ecstasy tablets.  Awful things I really dont know why I insist on taking them, I was sweating buckets and had to take my self to bed, my jaw was on the other side of the room and i was throwing up every 5 mins. Disgusting. I had to lie of the cold bathroom floor tiles just to get cool I was over heating really badly.

The last people left mine about 6pm Sunday night, we had been partying since 1pm Saturday, spent a ridiculous amount of money by this point and I look and feel like I have been dug up out of of a cemetery.

I have made it to work today, I should be having my EMDR therapy at 2pm but I really cant face it I am too spaced out to go and have a session of that work dont know this though so I will be sloping off back home to get my duvet and Netflix on.

I just don’t understand myself at all. I am 32, I have a decent job, a nice home, a good boyfriend who treats me well, I am a reiki level 2 practitioner yet I still continue to do this at a weekend, I have been getting smashed for about 3 months now, most weekends. Old habits are hard to break I have been doing this since I was 14 I just dont understand how I can still do this and my fuck it switch gets turned on and all I  care about is getting as much alcohol and drugs into my system as I can then I feel like shit for a week, start meditating again and giving myself reiki but the same vicious circle continues.

Is it bad habits that are too ingrained in my system to shift them? is it a family thing that runs through my blood? ( my dad was an alcoholic) Reiki has changed my life completely from 2012 and I can totally see this but how do I become strong enough to break these weekend habits? Now I know I have the vicious circle that is plain to see for everyone but how do I break it?

 

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones….

I wasn’t expecting to post so soon after my last post but what is going on around me really does deserve a mention.

My boss is very VERY opinionated he thinks he is the dogs bollocks and what he thinks and says is right, some how we have got onto the subject of the Law of Attraction and I am a firm beleiver in this and I am applying this in my life as much as I can, he then goes on to to stay he thinks reiki and crystals are also bullshit and starts attacking my beliefs.

This doesn’t upset me, quite the opposite in fact I know what I know to be  TRUE. Reiki has completely transformed my life from an amphetamine addict on the bring of suicide and in  denial about being sexually abused the majority of my life up to that time, living in a 1 up 1 down terrace house which I had let to go to rack and ruin, I only found out about Reiki after I was admitted to hospital after an over dose and 4 years down the line I am not perfect by a long shot as my previous posts will tell you but by God I am a million miles better than back in those dark days.

I stood my ground without arguing and retreated back to “work” well writing this blog but thats karma for you 🙂

No matter what people think or say or try and force there views down my throat I will and always have done stayed true to what I know and that is the love from Spirit and we are all one and on that note I will send him love and light and pray he wakes up.

sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me!