How many different Me’s can there be

First day back to work went ok, I was very cagey and felt like my chest was going to burst open spilling all my disgusting filth everywhere, filled up with tears a few times but nobody knew. I have learnt to be a master of disguise over the years when I have to be. I can answer the phone at work and be so happy and cheerful you would never guess iv beat myself up to near death for the past four days. Someone said to me once “I love ringing your office your always so happy and cheerfull” to which I replied ” Well a voice can tell a 1000 lies” they thought I was joking but I genuinely wasnt I was having a terrible time of it.

Sometimes I feel like Im 10 different personalities all in one body theres wreckhead me, sugery sweet me, spiritual me, hard faced me and the one I hate the most is filthy disgusting me and how I try to control this one and push it down and then all of a sudden im triggered and bang there she is dripping words of poison over and over again but shes subsiding again at the moment.

I know im in a viscious circle and have been for longer than I can imagine however spiritual work, healing and therapy have all taught me that whenever the beast rears its ugly head it means something is trying to get out something is trying  to heal so iv been analysed all day and I cant decided if its because I have a cellular beleive I need to be punished and dont deserve so I punish myself as soon as the going gets good, if its because Im weak and took my fella back when I didnt really want him so Iv stopped listening to my heart and thats why the sudden dip or whether its because I obviously still dont love and accept myself and what to hurt me or maybe a mixture of everything.

Deep mind boggling thoughts.

I will be meditating tonight on releasing negativity and asking for arch angel Michael’s help. Im also going to write a thank you list that usually makes me feek better.

Even as im writing this there is a little demon in me niggling making me feel filthy. Wish I had some more EMDR therapy  sessions left something is desperate to come out but its stuck fast at the moment

Reiki – My One True Love


I have been having an amazing time with Reiki recently, I took my Masters and Teachers 3rd degree in November and I am absolutely amazed and how my life is enriched already and I will be forever greatfull to God for giving me the honour of providing this wondering healing, honestly I am gob smacked at how much has changed in just under 3 months:

1- I have completely beaten my nicotine addiction no cigs or ecigs are needed anymore!

2- I have not drank alcohol since new years eve and I am enjoying myself that much not drinking iv decided to comtinue being alcohol free for all of feb too

3- my reiki clientell has gone through the roof and I even have my first 2 attunement students this weekend coming! EEEEK!! I am excited yet nervous at the same time I will be calling on all reiki guides and angels possible to help me relax and just be guided through this most honourable thing I am doing!

Reiki really is my true love, I love the peace ot brings to my clients and me it just spreads love and harmony everywhere it should be shouted about from all the rooftops in the world!

The photo is my healing room, feeling brave putting a photo on here that someone could recognise me from.













New Reiki Client!

I have been wanted to post about this since the weekend really but I had to get all the other stuff out of my head yesterday.

I dont know if I have blogged about this before or not my memory isnt the best but I am  Reiki Level 2 healer and I have turned my spare room into a therapy room, I have my own website, facebook page and other marketing tools ( my day time job is General Manager for a website and seo company so I put the company perks to good use! )

Anyway, I hadn’t done anything on this for a while so I was shocked but happy to get a phone call out of the blue for someone wanting Reiki. I booked them in for Sunday and had a quiet healthy weekend, did some chakra cleansing meditations and prepared myself and my Reiki room for my client. I lit candles and smudged the room and said a prayer to bless it and invited all the angels in to help the energy flow through me to heal the client.

The client arrived and they were very impressed with my room, I had all my Angel cards laid out on the table with 2 matching Angel figurines and the Reiki music was playing away softly.

I asked them to lie on the table and relax and started the treatment. The energy was so strong! I started to get really hot and could feel the soothing energy flowing through me, colors of purple and gold and green floated in and around my mind, I always make the Reiki symbols and ask for my Reiki guides to assist me throughout the process. I have not felt the energy that strong before the client must of really been in need of this.

When I had finished my client woke up and told me that they felt like a weight had been lifted and that they were struggling for absorbing everyone else’s negative energy, I said I had picked up a lot of anxiety in the chest and throat area when I was doing the treatment and she agreed that was where she felt it the most. She tried to pay me £30.00, I wouldn’t take it as my cost is only £25.00 I just asked her to leave me a review on my page and this is what she said:

reiki review

I was so pleased! I love helping people especially with Reiki, I truly believe its the best healing you can have in the world and this has just made me want to get back on my path all the more, I finished my lovely Sunday off with a visit to the divine circle at my local Spiritualist Church, even writing this blog now is making my heart swell with joy! I would recommend Reiki to anyone!



Went to My Spiritualist Church Last Night…..

Last night I decided to go to the Spiritualist Church. I just felt a pull to go, I am a full member of my local one I love it I really do the energy’s feel so loving and peaceful and after the past few weeks of how I have been feeling I really needed some loving.

I have done the foundation course and I was going to the development group every week but I dropped off somehow. Its mad of me really as the one thing that makes me feel on top of the world is when I am practicing Reiki and mediumship. I  was going a separate circle too which is brilliant but I  dropped off that too,

When I got there my friends were so happy to see me They ran over and gave me a big kiss I was made up I really was I only know them through church but they were so happy to see me and visa versa, I felt overwhelmed with love.

I have never worked at the Church open circle before, only at the private one which is much smaller but as soon as I sat down the love and peace engulfed me, it felt amazing and I knew I was going to get up and give a message.

Before this though my Dad and my Gran came through together,  I knew it was them straight away when the medium got up, she said I have a couple in spirit but they  are not married but related and look totally opposite and there personality’s are totally opposite too the male is very tall and thin and the lady is quite small and robust and they are singing the nursery rhyme ” Jack Sprat can eat no fat, his wife can eat no lean” so I said I can take that.

The medium said they can come to give me healing as I have been very confused of late and anxious and panicky. She said she could see a hedgehog and the hedgehog was walking normally and all of a sudden it curls up in a ball to protect itself, she said that how I am. I think that is exactly like PTSD to be honest, I had never thought of it that way before but to me that is a very accurate description. They said no matter how far I veer down one path I can always turn back on myself if I am not happy with it, its never too late to turn a corner. They said I needed to get my laughter back from when I was a kid as Iv lost it at the moment. Sent me lots of love and then my Gran left me with a Jelly on  plate.

It was a lovey message to receive and very accurate considering what I have been going through as of late.

At this point I still had the energy I could feel around me on my left side, I tuned in and it was a little old lady who was full off fun and had come to energize someone as they were down and had lots to do so I looked at my friend across the circle and said can I get up and she beamed at me and said yes of course so I got up and gave the message off, it was only brief I am knew to this really and I am out of practice but I gave the evidence of Spirit and she was left with a pocket watch from her Grandma, I was amazed it all just flew off my tongue, especially with it being my first time in Church.

I was dead chuffed after this, I am turning a corner and getting my Spirituality back up the vibrations are rising in me again I can feel it, I am so grateful of this.

I know we create our own realities and I know all the experiences I have drawn to me are for me to grow but its so hard when I trip and get dragged back down, I hope this turn of a corner for me for a long period of time before the next hiccup. Thank You God and all the Angels for helping me yet again ❤




I Will Drag Myself Out Of This!

After last nights post I went home and I wanted to do some some meditation whilst my partner was out so I chose an Angel one, it was Archangel Raphael and a healing meditation, it took me ages to get into it and I finally started seeing colors and then I started twitching because I was cold so I just got the duvet and rolled my self up with it and had a snooze.

My partner came home, he has been at my friends fixing her door and found me flat out, he woke me up and we went and had tea, I felt exhausted. One thing I have noticed since my PTSD episode last week is that I am sleeping for England at the moment, We had a nice tea and watched my favourite series at the moment, Versaille its called about King Louis the 14th of France, its brilliant I recommend it to anyone who likes history dramas.

We went to bed and I tried to meditate again but I do struggle when I am in bed with my partner, its not his fault he is just going to sleep but he wriggles and makes little noises and I cant let go properly if I have distraction, especially at the moment as I am out of practice so I just lay there listing to the soothing voice and noises, it really does help I took my ear phones out and went to sleep.

This morning I managed a quick 10 mins before work, a positive morning one and then I got my Angel book out, its Doreen Virtues 365 day Angel book I ask the Angels for a message and thank them for there support and I opened the the page up and guess what it said? ” Lighten Up” I did have a little laugh at this. I have been very down recently and very serious and the message was telling me to have fun and be carefree. All very easy for them to say but one thing for sure is no matter how deep into depression I go I will always claw my way back and that is exactly what I am doing now.

Another thing I have started doing this week is affirmations. I am going on holiday in about 7 weeks and I am feeling a bit overweight and I have been saying in the mirror over and over whilst I am getting ready:

” I am healthy and thin and I always win!”

I took it from a Diana Cooper book, I cant remember which one it was but I think she is fabulous she is the first spiritual teacher I got interested in I have most of her books,

And I have two crystals in my bra I have a tigers eye for protection and a blue howlite for healing.

im sure with all this spiritual work I am doing I will lighten up sooner rather than later, I can feel it working already 🙂




First EMDR Session – Pleasantly Surprised!

I had my first EMDR session yesterday, I am very pleased to report I found it very relaxing, the first sessions was to find my “Safe Place” I told my therapist I don’t have a safe place as such so she tried a different approach. She had noticed that I have a tattoo on my wrist which is of Angel wings and the word “Faith” wrote underneath it so I explained I believe in Angels and try to do lots of Angelic Meditations so I decided that my safe place would be on a beach in Northumberland which Archangel Micheal on the beach with me. Obviously this is my safe place you don’t have to have an Angel or a beach just something you can visualise.

She asked me to pick 2 incidents that have upset me but on a low scale of distress I did this and then the EMDR started. The best way I can describe it is that you are in meditation and there is someone there talking you through your feelings and asking what you are feeling about it, this allows the negative feelings to come up whilst you are in the safe place. She then touched my hands back and forth back and forth as this helps the memory arise. Once this happens you then visualise your guardian who is with you in your safe place and then the memory sort of bubbles out of your head. A very pleasant relaxing experience and not scary at all!

Next week we are going to do more intrusive memories. I thought I would be frightened but I am not. I felt a deep peace whilst it was being performed.

My therapist is a lovely lady and have a lovely soothing voice, I have great hopes that is going to work wonders 🙂