I have been having an awful week after Mondays EMDR session, no amount of meditation, walks, self reiki has been able to shift this tight packed block of pain in my heart and stomach. Maybe its the full moon which is approaching and im getting ready to explode.

I meditated for 17 mins this morning, it was a cleanse clear and protect one with Arch Angel Micheal, I connected with ease but the blockages were still there. I walked to work through the shopping centre and met my friend at star bucks feeling deflated and flat. There was a song I had never heard before, I could only catch the lyrics which were ” your daddy knows you are….” my eyes filled up. I just knew the song was a sign for me.

When I got to work I decided to google the song to see if I could find the lyrics, I found it straight away:

I managed to hold back to tears I so desperately need to let out. Its not really the time and the place to have a melt down in front of all the staff.

The next thing that happened was my boss said ” whats this crystal all about called Fire Agate? ” I am an avid crystal collector, I have paid for an online course but have never started it. Its somethinh I intend to do after my holiday. Anyway, I had never heard of it so I looked up the meaning and its perfect for what I am going through at the moment so as soon as I get paid tomorrow I am going to see if its in my local crystal shop.

Usually these heaveningly signs would have me jumping for joy, dont get me wrong I am truely grateful for them and they have made me feel better but the tighly packed balls of pain n hurt are still there.

I love my Dad, I have good memories aswell as bad. I once read a book by Robert Schwartz called ” Your Souls Plan” and this is a very basic explanation but it says your soul decides before you incarnate to earth what you will go through for your souls expantion. Maybe we planned for this to happen for my souls expansion on Earth. Maybe he planned his death before he got here just at the right time when Id learnt enough about spiritualism so I could continue to heal myself here on Earth. Maybe his soul loves me even though his human self couldnt.

I need to let all this pain out somehow its bubbling away like a volcano and causing issues in my relationship, were going abroad for 10 days on sunday its definitely a make or break one. I really dont know which way its going to go at the moment.

Hopefully the sea will draw all this pain out I find being near the sea really soothing so being in it should be amazing.

Really hope I can heal soon, this broken heart of mine is so heavy.

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