Well today is proving to be a very strange day. I woke up this morning crying had to drag myself out of bed. This is all all over people wanting me to go out on Saturday to a carnival. It my boyfriend who wants me to go and his mum – they are lovely people and everything I just don’t know if I can deal with it especially knowing everyone will be drinking and I was planning a weekend in. Also I cant stop thinking about this time line I have to do for Monday at my EMDR session. I got up and I have come to work, I have messaged my boyfriend and said NOPE cant do it. Have been shakey and teary and my heart was palpitating.
So…… this timeline of events. Sounds like the name of a dodgy film.
I have sat down this morning and started typing and typing. I managed to get to age 11 and had to stop I have been filling up at my desk and wanting to go and have a cry in the toilets.
I had a break, had a chat to my friend and a smoke….. next minutue WOOOOOOSH. I feel as high as a a kite, my head is swimming, im laughing and joking and being far too loud for an office, heart starts beating fast again and i feel so alert like all my senses have picked up a 100 miles per hour – what are these highs and lows? if anyone is reading this and has had similar please leave me a comment about it. I am not on any medication and I dont want any if I can help it but this all time low then all time high as got me pretty freaked out.
I have been doing sneaky breathing techniques to try ad bring myself down and it did work. had to leave the time line alone for a bit but I have managed to finish it. I haven’t re read it back yet I think thats a bit much to ask for one day. Its only 3pm and I have been to the depths of despair to climbing the walls all ready.
I still feel pretty hyper at the moment and my head feels like its swimming and my heart is fluttering away, concentration is nowhere to be seen.
I have told my boyfreind to ask me nearer the time about the carnival. Hopefully I will wake up and feel good, just going to try and take each day as it comes. I haven’t even started the EMDR treatment yet god knows what that is going to do.