I have just read somewhere that we shouldn’t judge our emotions. Let emotions come and go it says. Have a read below:
I agree with the majority of the points on there but its god damn hard. Monitoring my emotions and trusting my inner judgement on my emotions is one of the hardest things I have ever had to try to learn. Take today for instance. I have been carrying so much anger since Sunday and its not shifting yet at all. I want to scream and shout at my partner but its not his fault really why I am angry.
I am angry at myself. I am angry at the people who put me in danger who should of known better. I am angry that I having to learn this self acceptance the hard way. I am angry I am having to love and teach myself how to love myself. I am angry that I have to undo all these wrong believes that have been sown into me. So to merely start ” accept” your emotions I think its a bit rich really.
Anger is a new one to me on this healing journey. I haven’t really felt anger before in relation to the abuse I have suffered. Or maybe I have but not been able to recognise it where as now I am recognising it I am worried as to how I am to express this emotion. I dont want anyone to feel the wrath but its bubbling under the surface and people are getting on my last nerve. I have been feeling like a raw ticking time bomb and I have been defensive over EVERYTHING.
I started this blog post this morning and my anger was still fizzing away but I have actually felt a lift this afternoon. I don’t know if its because we have changed the shit radio station at work to XFM or the fact they played a Viola Beach song ( R.I.P Boys <3) and this has made me realise that life IS precious.
Looks like the post that had got my back up this morning does have some truth in it. Nothing stays the same even if it feels like it will at the time. Just go to ride the waves I suppose.
The photo on this blog is one I took on Bamburgh Beach in Northumberland a few weeks back. The waves were magnificent and the sea was so moody it was really something to watch and feel. I felt amazing on that beach, like the sea was washing out my soul.